This whole notion of shoe removal has gone beyond reason. I’m sure the end is nigh when Microsoft includes a template for homemade signs requesting shoe removal in Office. I've lived in the south, the east and along the west coast, and never encountered the whole 'removal of shoes' thing until hitting Washington. After ten years, I can take it no longer (caveat, I think this qualifies as a rant).
Let me be blunt about my feelings.
Toe jam is gross. Even my own husband, bless his anatomically correct feet and uber-hygenic self, has been known to acquire “friends” from time to time. Eee. The notion that a thin layer of cotton is between him and my floors doesn’t give me comfort. And if Rog takes two showers a day, and his feet still weirds me out, you can imagine my thoughts on folks who take a shower, say, every few days.
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| What may lurk underneath a sock!!! |
Stinky feet. No polite way to say this. Sure, one hopes and assumes people wear clean socks. But clean socks get inside stinky shoes, and we are back to stinky feet. I for one, don’t want stinky anything on my floors.
Hot feet. Even if socks are clean and stink-free, some people have hot feet. Sweat leaves track marks on wood like a bear walking through mud in the woods. Can you imagine tracks here and there and everywhere, leading in and out of the bathroom? My floors could immortalize the migratory patterns of my food consuming and facility-using guests. Double-Eeee.
Socks are a bit too personal for me. It’s like knowing what type of underwear someone prefers. Call me old fashioned, but I really don’t want to know what someone has on underneath, and that includes socks. It leads my mind to places I don't want to visit.
Animals vs humans. It’s always struck me as odd when I go into another’s home, remove my shoes, then have to sit on a sofa covered in cat, dog or unidentiable hair. It’s smelly. It’s always the color I’m not wearing. If I have to remove my shoes, then the least the homeowner can do is handout tape-roller things so I can rub myself down when I sit up.
What about me? The worst is when people come to my house and want to do the respectful thing (they think) and immediately remove their shoes at the front doorway. I’ve tried everything. I’ve put up signs outside “Shoes on please”, but it’s ignored. I meet guests at the front door, my own shoes on, and request they “keep shoes on,” and the guest starts debating the merits of removing shoes with me. At the last party I gave, I made a honkin big sign that read “PLEASE KEEP SHOES ON!” and yes, I did use an exclamation point. I figure, I’m a writer, I’m weird and eccentric. It wouldn’t be taken personally.
Kids ignore me altogether, so well trained are they by parents insistent it’s a sign of respect to remove shoes.
To be fair, I was raised well enough to respect someone else’s wishes in their own home. However, I’ve also learned that removing shoes is more for dirty children and grandchildren than actual adults. As such, I’ve become adept at dealing with the shoe-thing by lingering in the front room.
If I’m in the front entryway, and don’t move forward, I’ll say…Oh, I don’t want to get your floor dirty. To which the home owner will say "OK," (e.g. they want to keep me in the front entryway rather than have me roam their house with my shoes on), OR, the homeowner will wave it off and say “don’t worry about it, come on in!”
The few times the shoe subject has come up, I’ll be honest and say my feet are cold, which, as a Swede, is true nearly 100% of the time unless I drink my chamomile/cayenee pepper concoction. If the homeowner pushes the issue, I’ll tell them the notion of sharing footprints with other strangers grosses me out. The response to this is typically laughter, followed by some variation of..."you're a writer.” The implication I’m weird, eccentric and to be expected. As such, I’m given a pass.
It’s awesome.
For those normal, reasonable people out there (non-writers that is), here are a few, polite, subtle suggestions.
If one is going to have carpet, don’t get white. When I moved up from San Francisco, I was surprised by the number of white and off-white carpets in such a muddy, wet, rainy state was Washington.
“It’s happy,” was a common reason, or “it makes things brighter.”
Not when it’s dirty and grey, it doesn’t.
Floors are meant to be walked on, not looked at. When the kids are gone and the dog is dead, then put in a white carpet. Until such time, have dark green, like our neighbors. Sure, it resembles the floor of the forest outside, but at least it’s “natural.” In a blue/purple state such as ours, one would think that philosophy would gain traction. Wood, slate, bamboo and other non-carpet items are meant to get dirty, wet and clean up well. If one is really worried about mud, get dark wood like we did. It lasts great, hides marks well, and easy to clean.
Until then, I’m going to have a big arse sign explaining the rules of the home…shoes are welcome, revered and expected…to stay on.
And no. this isn't an April fools joke. I'm serious.
And no. this isn't an April fools joke. I'm serious.
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